Day 17

I'm a hurtin' girl. I've learned that more discretion is needed if I am going to pull through the next 248 days of yoga. There were some peaceful times on the mat, invigorating and challenging too. However, this body is not the one I had 2 years ago, pre-accident. It behaves more like glass than a work horse and I often forget this.

Before a drunk driver struck me August 5th, 2008, I could throw down a sub-8 min/mile half marathon, bike to work, spend the next 10 hours on my feet and then bike home. I could move a sofa down to the basement by myself and shake someone's hand without cringing inside that they might be one of those people that use my arm like a fly fishing rod.

This brings me to my practice. Perhaps my affection for yoga would've grown without getting hit, but the day I did was the same day I yelled out loud, alone in my little Honda Civic, "Please God, use me as an instrument!" I had so many seemingly good things going for me, but was feeling endlessly frustrated, angry and what I imagine a chick feels just before it cracks its egg open.

Then much like a wet, clumsy bird for the next few months I searched for ways to heal and grow stronger while decompressing from the stress of a life that didn't resemble me. As an attempt to fix the parts of my body that were causing chronic pain, since I no longer was accepting pain medication from my doctor, I found myself in a Bikram studio. I heard about Bikram about 2 years prior when I lost a running buddy to the practice. Some how it rose back into my thoughts and there I was in the back left-hand corner, over-dressed, under-hydrated and rubber necking the room of people each time we switched asanas. But eventually it did the trick. I had a healthy body! What I didn't bargain for was a quieting of the mind and a desire to offer something greater to this world and then knowing exactly what that was going to be. We all know how this story is unfolding www.yogaboxmn.com. Except that today, after some "yoga aerobics" with fans blowing on me I need to be ever mindful of what I've been through in a rather short amount of time. Like blowing glass, to stay fluid I still need some heat, intentional movement and a focused mind. Until tomorrow, I think I'll start a hot bath, then curl up on the couch and read until I fall asleep.